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The Oldest Joke in the Book website, has a bunch of jokes and funny images. Some of these are racist, sexual and offensive. If you are offended in anyway please do not stay on this site.
Joke
She Said He Said
Two women are chatting in office.
Woman 1. "I had sex last night, did you?"
Woman 2. "Yes".
Woman 1. "Was it good?"
Woman 2. "No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?"
Woman 1. "Oh it was amazing! When I came home, my husband took me out for a romantic dinner at a beautiful restaurant. After dinner we walked for an hour in the moonlight. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had a long session of fantastic sex and afterwards we talked and talked. It was like a fairytale!"
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?"
Husband 2: "It was great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep. Couldn't have been better! What about you?"
Husband 1: "Terrible. I'd forgotten to pay the electricity bill, so when my wife came home I knew I'd be in trouble if I told her, so I took her out to dinner. The restaurant was so ridiculously expensive that I thought I'd save money by walking home. When we got home I lit candles all over the house so I didn't have to use the lights and reveal there was no power! I was so stressed she'd find out that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't come for ages. After I finally did, I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for what seemed an eternity!"
Next Joke
Woman 1. "I had sex last night, did you?"
Woman 2. "Yes".
Woman 1. "Was it good?"
Woman 2. "No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?"
Woman 1. "Oh it was amazing! When I came home, my husband took me out for a romantic dinner at a beautiful restaurant. After dinner we walked for an hour in the moonlight. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had a long session of fantastic sex and afterwards we talked and talked. It was like a fairytale!"
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?"
Husband 2: "It was great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep. Couldn't have been better! What about you?"
Husband 1: "Terrible. I'd forgotten to pay the electricity bill, so when my wife came home I knew I'd be in trouble if I told her, so I took her out to dinner. The restaurant was so ridiculously expensive that I thought I'd save money by walking home. When we got home I lit candles all over the house so I didn't have to use the lights and reveal there was no power! I was so stressed she'd find out that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't come for ages. After I finally did, I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for what seemed an eternity!"
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